Book 13 - One More Strange Island

The account of my wanderings now finished, I looked forward to leaving Scheria. The next day, Alkinoos loaded me gifts on board the ship that will carry me to Ithaca. I set sail as soon as the sun went down. I slept the whole night, while the Phaeacian crew commanded the ship. Being the captain of a ship was never easier. I remained asleep even when the ship lands the next morning. The crew gently carried me and my gifts to shore and then sailed for home. When Poseidon spotted me in Ithaca, I become enraged at the Phaeacians for assisting my nemesis. I assume Poseidon complained to Zeus, who allows him to punish the Phaeacians. Just as our ship is pulling into harbor at Scheria, the prophecy mentioned earlier was fulfilled: the ship suddenly turned to stone and sunk to the bottom of the sea. The onlookers ashore immediately recognized the consummation of the prophecy and resolved to abandon their custom of helping wayward travelers. Back in Ithaca, I awoke to find a country that I didn’t recognize, for Athena had shrouded it in mist to conceal its true form while she planned my next move. At first, I cursed the Phaeacians, whom I thought have duped him and left me in some unknown land. But Athena, disguised as a shepherd, met me and told me that I was indeed in Ithaca. With characteristic cunning, I acted to conceal my identity from her until she revealed hers. Delighted by my tricks, Athena announced that it is time for me to use my wits to punish the suitors. She told me to hide out in the hut of his swineherd, Eumaeus. She informed me that my son had gone in search of news of me and gave me the appearance of an old vagabond so that no one will recognize me. This reminded my New Trier helper of a movie Finding Nemo. Both the father and the son leave to find each other. In the end, they do. Now I think the prupose of life is to satisfy as well as go into the id and slay the dragon of whatever it is that it is made of. I went, came out and now I am at home. He went, will find news, and now he will come home. Readers, I now leave to continue our story for another day. Peace out.

Book 12 - Sea Perils and Defeat

I returned to Aeaea, where I buried Elpenor and spent one last night with Circe. She described the obstacles that I will face on my voyage home and told me how to negotiate them. As I set sail, I passed Circe’s counsel on to my men. We approached the island of the lovely Sirens, and I, as instructed by Circe, plugged my men’s ears with beeswax and had them bind him to the mast of the ship. I alone heard their song flowing forth from the island, promising to reveal the future. The Sirens’ song was so seductive that even I, king of Ithaca, begged to be released from my fetters, but my faithful men only binded me tighter. If it weren't for them, I would have never made it out of there. Perhaps it was greed that motivated them, though. All men want to satisfy their ids, and their id was greed. Greed of sex, money, and fame. It's like almost every man's dream. To make a name for themselves while they are alive. Is that the purpose of life? Or because it is what they want, and since it is in their id, is their sole purpose in life to satisfy their ids? I think it is the latter of the two. Anyways, once we passed the Sirens’ island, I knew my men and I needed to navigate the straits between Scylla and Charybdis. Scylla was a six-headed monster who, when ships usually pass, swallows one sailor for each head. tha would be an extra six people lost. Damn! My crew is always being eaten, Atleast its not me, I need to get home in order to finish the story. Charybdis was an enormous whirlpool that threatened to swallow the entire ship. As instructed by Circe, I held my course tight against the cliffs of Scylla’s lair. As my men and I stared at Charybdis on the other side of the strait, the heads of Scylla swoopped down and gobbled up six of the sailors. Next, I came to Thrinacia, the island of the Sun, Apollo. I wanted to avoid it entirely, but the outspoken Eurylochus persuades me to let my beleaguered crew to rest there. Damn his tongue! I wish I didn't let him talk at all and the Scylla swallowed him instead. A storm kept them beached for a month, and at first the crew was content to survive on its provisions in the ship. When those ran out, however, Eurylochus persuaded the other crew members to disobey me and slaughter the cattle of the Sun. Disobey ME! How dare they! I, their captain, how has led them through all of this so far, and as though I couldn't do it for the rest of the way. They did so one afternoon as I slept; when the Sun found out, he asked Zeus to punish me and my men. Shortly after the Achaeans set sail from Thrinacia, Zeus kicked up another storm, which destroyed the ship, as though that wasn't old, and sent the entire crew to its death beneath the waves. As had been predicted, only I survived, and that too, just barely. The storm swept me all the way back to Charybdis, which I narrowly escaped for the second time. Afloat on the broken timbers of my ship, I eventually reached Ogygia, Calypso's island. HereI broke from my story, stating to the Phaeacians that I saw no reason to repeat to them my account of my experience on Ogygia. My journey is like a circle, except there is solid hope that this circle will ofr once, end. Here I will leave off and leave the rest to next time.

Book 11 - A Gathering of Shades

We then traveled to the River of Ocean in the land of the Cimmerians. There I poured libations and performed sacrifices as Circe earlier instructed me to do to attract the souls of the dead. I knew we must get to Hades to get home. Where is the hole of Persephone when you need it the most? The first to appear is that of Elpenor, the crewman who broke his neck falling from Circe’s roof. He begged me to return to Circe’s island and give his body a proper burial. I told him that he shouldn't have succumbed to his desires. I told him that I barely left, and that if I went back, then I might never be able to leave again. I then spoke with the Theban prophet Tiresias, who reveals that Poseidon was punishing us Achaeans for blinding his son Polyphemus. He foretold my fate—that I would return home, reclaim my wife and palace from the wretched suitors, and then make another trip to a distant land to appease Poseidon. I'm glad that he said what he did, or I might as well just gone back and have sex with Circe the rest of my life. He warned me not to touch the flocks of the Sun when I reached the land of Thrinacia; otherwise, I wouldn't return home without suffering much more hardship and losing all of his crew. When Tiresias departs, I called other spirits towards me. I spoke with my mother, Anticleia, who updated me on the affairs of Ithaca and related how she died of grief waiting for his return. I then met the spirits of various famous men and heroes and heard the stories of their lives and deaths. I then cut short the tale and asked my Phaeacian hosts to allow my crew and I to sleep, but the king and queen urge him to continue, asking if I met any of the Greeks who fell at Troy in Hades' world. I related my encounters there: I met Agamemnon, who told me of his murder at the hands of his wife, Clytemnestra. Next I met Achilles, who asked about his son, Neoptolemus. I then tried to speak with Ajax, an Achaean who killed himself after he lost a contest with me over the arms of Achilles, but Ajax refused to speak and slipped away. I saw Heracles, King Minos, the hunter Orion, and others. I witnessed the punishment of Sisyphus, struggling eternally to push a boulder over a hill only to have it roll back down whenever it reached the top. I then saw Tantalus, agonized by hunger and thirst. Tantalus sits in a pool of water overhung by bunches of grapes, but whenever he reaches for the grapes, they rise out of grasp, and whenever he bends down to drink, the water sinks out of reach. I soon found myself mobbed by souls wishing to ask about their relatives in the world above. I became frightened, ran back to my ship, and immediately sailed away. I felt like a coward, without a heart. I fle tlike the lion in the Wizard of Oz. And that's where I think I shall stop for now.

Book 10 - The Grace of the Witch

So we pick up from where we last left off. Therefore, we begin with us leaving. We Achaeans sailed from the land of the Cyclopes to the home of Aeolus, ruler of the winds. Aeolus presented me with a bag containing all of the winds, and so, naturally, I stirred up a westerly wind to guide myself and my crew home. Within ten days, we were in sight of Ithaca, but my shipmates, who thought that Aeolus has secretly given me a fortune in gold and silver, tore the bag open. The winds escaped and stirred up a storm that brought me and my men back to Aeolia. I hoped for so long that Aeolus would help me again, but this time, the *** refused. It seemed that all he wanted to do was simply hear the story of us at Troy. For this, he gave us a few winds. Since there was nothing to offer that appealed to him, he turned me down. People only want to satisfy their Ids. He was certain that the gods hated me and wished to do me harm. Lacking wind, we Achaeans rowed to the land of the Laestrygonians, a race of powerful giants whose king, Antiphates, and unnamed queen turn my scouts into dinner. My scouts and I, the ones that remained, fled toward our ships. Those cowards! They did nothing but disgrace me out there. The Laestrygonians pelted the ships with boulders and sunk them as they sat in the harbor. Only myhip escaped. From there, my men and I traveled to Aeaea, home of the beautiful witch-goddess Circe. Circe druged a band of my men and turned them into pigs. When I went to go rescue them, Hermes approached me in the form of a young man. He told me to eat an herb called moly to protect myself from Circe’s drug and then lunge at her when she tries to strike him with her sword. I followed Hermes' instructions overpowering Circe and forcing her to change my men back to their human forms. I soon became Circe’s lover, and my men and I, lived in her luxury for a year. When my men were finally able to continue the voyage homeward, I asked Circe for the way back to Ithaca. She replied I must sail to Hades, the realm of the dead, to speak with the spirit of Tiresias, a blind prophet who will tell me how to get home. The next morning, I rousesd my men for the imminent departure. I discoverd, however, that the youngest man in my crew, Elpenor, had gotten drunk the previous night, slept on the roof, and, when he heard the men shouting and marching in the morning, fell from the roof and broke his neck. I explained to my men the course that they must take, which they were displeased to learn, was rather meandering. I found a funny clip that relates to this. check it out, you'll really like it if you are a fan of Family Guy. Here is the website: http://www.familyguy.com/. Click on Classical Clips, then scroll all the way down until you see the clip called Stewie Brian Car Crash.

Book 9 - New Coasts and Poseidon's Son

So, the last time we left off at the place where I was about to tell the king, Alkinoos, not to be confused with that idiotic reaterd that thinks he can get my wife, who I was. Or so you think. Well, yeah I did. Its official, I told him. I began with who I was, where I came from, and where I was planning on going to. I told him about how I left Troy with Agamemnon, and then got stranded on an island with my crew. I was told by my crew that I should not stay in the island, but go home. Its just that I was stranded at sea for so long, that it was kind of hard to resist the temptation of eating fresh sheep and cheese. Gotta love that feta cheese. I told him that half of my crew was devoured by Polyphemus, Poseidon's son, also a Cyclops. Yeah, his eyes weren't that great, there were only one. So first he decided to eat half of whatever remained of my crew. So then he locked us up and told us that he would eat us all. The next day he opened the boulder he placed at the entrance of the cave he kept us in. I placed a little stick so that when he put the rock back at the mouth of the cave, the boulder couldn't close the mouth completely, but just leave a little opening. Polyphemus didn't notice, and I am alive because of that alone. I got him drunk on wine that night and when he asked me for my name I told him that it was Nobody. I then, after some time, threw fire into his eyes, opened up the boulder, and took my crew with me out of the cave. I ran to the boat after taking some provisions and heard him screaming in pain. He was asked by the other people of his kind as to what had happened. He said Nobody attacked him, The other responed to that with, "If nobody has hurt you, then pray to your father to heal you. It must have been something he did to you, or you must be dreaming. Go back to sleep." Or atleast, that's all that I remember of that dialogue. I then made the most ignorant move that I would ever make in my life. Someone told me that Polyphemus prayed to Poseidon, that basically, I would be screwed over.

Book 8 - Songs of the Harper

The next day, Alkinoos called an assembly of his Phaeacian counselors. Athena, back from Athens, ensured attendance by spreading word that the topic of discussion will be the godlike visitor who recently appeared on the island. At the assembly, Alkinoos proposed providing a ship for his visitor, me so that I can return to my homeland. The measure was approved, and Alkinoos invited the counselors to his palace for a feast and celebration of games in honor of his guest, myself. There, a blind bard named Demodocus sung of the quarrel between myself and Achilles at Troy. Everyone listened with pleasure except me, who wept at the painful memories that the story recalled. The king noticed my griefs and ended the feast so that the games could begin. The games included the standard lineup of boxing, wrestling, racing, and throwing of the discus. At one point, I was asked to participate. Still overcome by my many hardships, I declined. One of the young athletes, Broadsea, then insulted me. I got pissed and felt like yelling at that idiot. I felt like screaming to him that he isn't even half the man I am. I easily won the discus toss and then challenged the Phaeacian athletes to any other form of competition they chose. The discussion became heated, but Alkinoos diffused the situation by insisting that I join them in another feast, at which the Phaeacian youth entertained me and proved their preeminence in song and dance. Demodocus performed again, this time a light song about a tryst between Ares and Aphrodite. Afterward, Alkinoos and each of the young Phaeacian men, including Broadsea, gave me gifts to take with me on my journey home. At dinner that night, I asked Demodocus to sing of the Trojan horse and the sack of Troy, but as I listened to the accomplished minstrel I again broke down. King Alkinoos again noticed and stopped the music. He asks me at last to tell him who I was, where I am from, and where I am to be going. Men are so trusting unti they see something that shakes their trust so much, that it is hard to regain that trust. Trust is hard to regain. Not only does it take time for this to happen, but also, people need to learn to trust that person again through their experience. I think I will leave this next part for next time. I just had to tel him, but what I did, no one will know unless you see what I will write tomorrow.

Book 7 - Gardens and Firelight

The next day, after my prayer, on my way to the palace of Alkinoos, the king of the Phaeacians, I stopped a young girl who was carrying a jug of water. then, by sizing up the amount of help Athena has given me so far, I assumed it was Athena, but kept it to myself. I asked her to guide to guide me to the king’s house and shrouded me in a protective mist that keeps the Phaeacians, a kind but somewhat xenophobic people, from harassing him. She also advised me to direct my plea for help to Arete, the wise and strong queen who will know how to get me home. Once she delivered me to the palace, she departed from Scheria to her beloved city of Athens, I assume. Also, some more evidence that she was Athena was that a little girl conjuring up a mist to protect me from how grown-ups feel, was kind of odd. Also, how would a little girl know that I should make my plea to the queen, Arete. Gods are always helping us no matter what. They know whats happenning and are at the ready to protect you if anything goes wrong, just in case. Perhaps that is why they say, whatever happens, happens for a reason. The gods weere watching me in the cave of Polyphemus, Calypso, and on my boat, and all of the other times. They knew that I wasn't supposed to be in Calypso's cave for all of eternity, the amount of time she perhaps wanted to keep me, and so they intervened. They are always taking tests, and perhaps this was my test that showed them whether or not I was loyal to my wife, or if I was just a lusty, goddess laying, greedy *******. I passed the test, and perhaps that is why Athena is helping me out even more nowadays. Anyways, so after I arrived at the palace, I found the palace residents holding a festival in honor of Poseidon. Oh how I wanted to crasht that festival. The blood ran to my face and I wanted to scream to stop this festival, but then I thought, if I ruin their festival and what they deem as holy and revere it, then they will get the wrong impression of me and they might not help me get home. After these chain of thoughts, I stood back and simply took in the beauty of the palace and the king’s opulence. As soon as I saw the queen, I threw myself at her feet, and the mist about him dissipates. At first, the king wonders if I, a wayward traveler might be a god, but without revealing my true identity, I put the king’s suspicions to rest by declaring that I was indeed a mortal. I explained to him, my predicament, and the king and queen gladly promise to see him off the next day in a Phaeacian ship. I finally got a ship. I praised Athena and thank her on the spot for all of her help. Later that evening, when the king and queen were alone with me, the wise Arete recognized the clothes that I was wearing as ones that she herself had made for her daughter, that angel, bless her, Nausicaa. Suspicious, she interrogated me further. While still withholding my name, I responded by recounting the story of my journey from that witch Calypso’s island and my encounter with Nausicaa that morning, which involved her giving me a set of clothes to wear. To absolve the princess for not accompanying me to the palace, I claimed that it was my idea to come alone. After all that child did for me, I simply couldn't let her get into trouble with her parents. I explained to them what that child had told me, how the villagers would gossip about her and how her image in the public would be tarnished. Alkinoos was so impressed with me, that he offered me his daughter’s hand in marriage. I kind of pushed it off, and prayed to Zeus that he may be prosperous. I think that is enough for today. I will see you all tomorrow.

Book 6 - A Princess At The River

So my friends, as we last left off at the point of walking down the river bank, we shall pick up from there. I fell asleep walking down the open road. Alone. No one by my side, no one to get help from, no one to... yeah, well, you get the point. So I fell like all normal people do, and woke up the next morning. A young girl, of marrying age came by in a chariot and just as she was about to leave, I stopped her in midroad. First she thought I was an enemy of some sort. Then she realized that if there were a war going on, her father wouldn't be at home, and the gods would take care of it anyways, since they like her country, supposedly. Then she thought I was a castaway, which I was. First she was telling me that I should deal with the hardships Zeus has dealt me. I felt like screaming at her that Zeus was the one who bascially brought me to you. But I bit my lip. She allowed me some olive oil and all of the sort so I could take a shower in the river. I couldn't take a real shower because there were young women around who were, most likely to be unmarried. So I simply scrubbed my back and my torso and legs. She told me once she was done to not go with her, but after some time had passed, to lgo to the palace. All this time, all I did was stare stupidly into her face. I swear to Aphrodite, the child was true beauty incarnated. I've never seen such beauty in all of my life. Anyways, she told me how people would talk behind their back if she entered the city with a man whie she was unmarried. I understood, but thought to myself, " Is all people think about protecting their self honor from society and its gossip? What is more important to people, what society says about them, or the truth that they know?" So, anyways, she left, and I stood there praying to Athena, that perhaps this may be the place where I find home at last. You know that line about home and shoping to find it? Yeah, I found a picture to go with it.Its up on the top.

Book 5 - Sweet Nymph and Open Sea

So the hell with all of you who were supposed to give me news about my son for a reward. Now I am sick and tired of raising the price for anything. Now I will tell my story. I was trapped atthe cave of the nymph Calypso. Hermes, messenger of the gods, was sent to Calypso’s island to tell her that I must at last be allowed to leave so I could return home. In reply, Calypso delivered a tantrum and contradicts herself often. First she says that since she found me, she got to claim me and that I was her prize, basically. Then, she claimed gods could have affairs with women, while goddess could no, their love was taken away and gods were jealous. Then she told him that she would do whatever Zeus asled her and that she would send me home. How much more can a person contradict themself? To see how I feel, there is a song by Natalie Imbruglia, called Contradictions. By now, I alone remain of the contingent that I led at Troy; my crew and the other boats in my force were all destroyed during my journeys. Calypso helped me build a new boat and stocks it with provisions from her island. With sadness, she watches as the object of her love sails away. Good Riddance!!! Ithacan suitors for my wife, here I come! After eighteen days at sea, I spotted Scheria, the island of the Phaeacians, my next destination appointed by the gods, or so I overheard. Just then, Poseidon, returning from a trip to the land of the Ethiopians, spotted me and realized what the other gods did in his absence. Poseidon stirred up a storm, which nearly dragged me under the sea, but the goddess Ino came to my rescue. She gave me a veil that kept me safe after my ship was wrecked. Athena too came to my rescue as I was tossed back and forth, now out to the deep sea, now against the jagged rocks of the coast. Finally, a river up the coast of the island answered my prayers and allowed me to swim into its waters. I threw my protective veil back into the water as Ino had commanded me to do and walked inland to rest in the safe cover of a forest. I feel its getting late now, because my New Trier helper, who so graciously has been typing to as I mandated, has been typing my journey. He needs to sleep, and therfore I shall wrap up today's portion. We shall continue again tomorrow. Be sure to read, when I shall talk about what happened after I started to walk inland. Adios amigos, whatever that means.

Book 4 - The Red Haired King and His Lady

So even after I increased the offer by 900 units of your currency, you imbeciles still haven't given me a reply. Now, this is your last chance! I will give you no more than 10,000 units of your currency for the information of my son and the beings of my home. You already know Telemachus' blog's site is: http://www.tellysblog123.blogspot.com/. Yet I just gave it to you now. Good-bye and if anyone gets news of my son, please claim your prize of 10,000 units of your currency immediately. Thank you and good bye.

Book 3 - The Lord of The Western Approaches

So the last time I stated that I would give 100 of your kind of currency if anyone brought news of my son. No one responded. So I have decided to increase the offer. Now I offer you 1000 of your currency if anyone brings me news of my son and my home in Ithaca. This offer will not last long, so hurry up and claim your prize. News will be found at www.tellysblog.blogspot.com. Thank You.

Book 2 - A Hero's Son Awakens

So, yeah I really haven't heard from anyone regarding my son. As an incentive for talking to me, I will give you a reward of 100 of whatever your currency is because I am just that rich! I've tried many a time, but I still can't reach my son or his blog. If anyone can, please talk to me or post a comment on my blog. Thanks. Once again, here is the link to the blog of my son. http://tellysblog123.blogspot.com/. Bye bye. Here is map of where I live, just in case you folks go there.

Book 1 - A Goddess Intervenes

Hey, so yeah, um, I'm kinda lost, and I can't really get to my son. I'm assuming that he is doing absolutely nothing, because he is outnumbered in 1 to, like, a thousand! Seeing how attractive my wife is, there will be that many, or even more suitors for her, because all of those ungrateful idiots think I'm dead. Thank You for your complements on the fact that I can choose an attractive wife for myself. So anyway, I tried to get a hold of him by contacting Athena and all, and all she could give me was the link to his blog. I asked for a computer, but she gave a flat no. I'm doing this from a friend's Blackberry, and I don't have much time, because Poseidon is conjuring up a storm. Here is the link to Telemachus's blog, and if you get a chance to get on, please send him my blessings and good wishes, tell him I am still alive, and most importantly, I'm coming home! www.tellysblog123.blogspot.com. Thanks a whole lot! Oh, and yes, please do tell my wife that I............... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!