Book 24 - Warriors, Farewell

The scene then changed abruptly. Hermes led the souls of the suitors, crying like bats, into Hades. Agamemnon and Achilles argued over who had the better death. Agamemnon described Achilles’ funeral in detail. They saw the suitors coming in and asked how so many noble young men met their end. The suitor Amphimedon, whom Agamemnon knew in life, gave a brief account of their ruin, pinning most of the blame on Penelope and her indecision. How dare they blame my wife for their deaths? They just had it coming to them! Agamemnon contrasted the constancy of Penelope with the treachery of Clytemnestra. Back in Ithaca, I traveled to father's farm. I sent my servants into the house so that I could be alone with my father in the gardens. I found that found had aged prematurely out of grief for his son and wife. He didn’t recognize me, and I didn’t immediately reveal myself, pretending instead that I was someone who once knew and befriended myself, Odysseus. But when Laertes began to cry at the memory of Odysseus, I threw my arms around Laertes and kissed him. I proved my identity with the scar and with my memories of the fruit trees that Laertes gave me when I was a little boy. I told Laertes how I has avenged myself upon the suitors. Laertes and I had lunch together. Dolius, the father of Melanthius and Melantho, joined us. While we ate, the goddess Rumor flew through the city spreading the news of the massacre at the palace. The parents of the suitors held an assembly at which they assessed how to respond to what happened. Halitherses, the elder prophet, argued that the suitors merely got what they deserved for their wickedness, but Eupithes, Antinous' father, encouraged the parents to seek revenge on me. Their small army tracked me to Laertes’ house, but Athena, disguised again as Mentor, decided to put a stop to the violence. Antinous’s father was the only one killed, felled by one of Laertes’ spears. Athena made the Ithacans forget the massacre of their children and recognized me as king. Peace was thus restored. It was all over.

Book 23 - The Trunk of the Olive Tree

Eurycleia went upstairs to call Penelope, who has slept through the entire fight. How can you sleep through such a big fight? How is that possible? She was supposed to peek out the door and see me, Odysseus, killing suitors after getting their gifts for Penelope. Penelope didn’t believe anything that Eurycleia said, and she remained in disbelief even when she came downstairs and saw me with her own eyes. Telemachus rebuked her for not greeting me more lovingly after my long absence, but I had other problems to worry about. I had just killed all of the noble young men of Ithaca—their parents would surely be greatly distressed. I'm sure I would be just as distressed and enraged if Telemachus was killed. I actually thought Athena would cover up for this. Ig uess, even when there is a superego at work to egg someone on, that person still has to clean up after their actions. I decided that me and my family would need to lay low at our farm for a while. In the meantime, a minstrel struck up a happy song so that no passersby would suspect what had taken place in the palace. Thank god for that man! When all of this is over, he is going to be one of the first to get a reward for their loyalty. Penelope remained wary, afraid that a god was playing a trick on her. She ordered Eurycleia to move her bridal bed, and I suddenly flared up at her that our bed is immovable, explaining how it was built from the trunk of an olive tree around which the house had been constructed. Hearing me recount these details, she knew that I must be her husband. It was about time that she recognized! We got reacquainted and, afterward, I gave the wife a brief account of my wanderings. I also told her about the trip that I needed to make to fulfill the prophecy of Tiresias earlier. The next day, I left with Telemachus for father's orchard. I gave Penelope instructions not to leave her room or receive any visitors. Telemachus and I were cloaked by Athena in darkness so that no one would see us as we walked through the town.

Book 22 - Death in the Great Hall

Before the suitors realized what is happening, I shot a second arrow through the throat of Antinous. The arrow was simply beautiful! Right in the middle of his trachea, or so my New Trier helper says. That ended his life span immediately. As it always has been, evil will always fall to good and the truth. No matter how strong and how powerful evil and falsehood is. The suitors were confused and believed this shooting to be an accident. I finally revealed myself, and the suitors became terrified. They had no way out, since Philoetius had locked the front door and Eumaeus had locked the doors to the women’s quarters. Eurymachus tried to calm me down, insisting that Antinous was the only bad apple among them, but I announced that I would spare none of them. How can they dare claim that they are not bad apples? Did they not decide to come to my house and eat my cattle, drink my wine, insult my son, and court my wife? Or did Antinous force them to do that too? Eurymachus then charged at me, but he was cut down by another arrow. Amphinomus was the next to fall, at the spear of Telemachus. I think Telly got the hint that I couldn't get that idiot. The rest I could "own". Amphinomus had given me a favor when I was shunned by the rest of these *******s. There was no way possible I could kill him. LIke Peter Pettigrew couldn't kill Harry Potter or deliver him to his master because he was indebted to Harry for saving his life. I too, was indebted and that debt was only repayable by giving the favorer refuge when he needed it most. An eye for an eye. What was done, has been repayed. I didn't tell Telly to kill him. But on the other hand, I didn't tell him to not kill him, either. Atleast, the blame does not go on me, labeling me as a coward. So, all's well when ends well. Telemachus got more shields and swords from the storeroom to arm Eumaeus and Philoetius, but he forgot to lock it on his way out. The idiot! Melanthius soon reached the storeroom and gets out fresh arms for the suitors. He wasn’t so lucky on his second trip to the storeroom, however, as Eumaeus and Philoetius found him there, tied him up, and locked him in. A full battle now raged in the palace hall. Athena, the greatest goddess of like, all time, appeared disguised as Mentor and encouraged me but doesn’t participate immediately, preferring instead to test my strength. Volleys of spears were exchanged, and I and my men killed several suitors while receiving only superficial wounds ourselves. Finally, Athena joined the battle, which then ended swiftly. I spared the minstrel Phemius and the herald Medon, unwilling participants in the suitors’ profligacy. The priest Leodes begged unsuccessfully for mercy. It was rather sad, but it had to be done, nonetheless.

Book 21 - Test of the Bow

Penelope brought out my bow out of the storeroom and announced that she will marry the suitor who can string it and then shoot an arrow through a line of twelve axes. Telemachus set up the axes and then tried his own hand at the bow, but failed in his attempt to string it. Would ut be that because he knew that I was back, he missed on purpose? He knew I would've killed him first if he maarried his mother while I was there. Could it be that it was all just a farce, or was he really thinking he could marry my wife, and then kill me once I began an attack on him? The suitors warmed and greased the bow to make it supple, but one by one they all tried and failed. Meanwhile, I followed Eumaeus and Philoetius outside. I assured myself of their loyalty and then revealed my identity to them by means of the scar on his foot. I promised to treat them as Telemachus’s brothers if they fought by my side against the suitors. I was going to treat like Eumaeus like my own brother after what he did to me at his hut, anyways. When I returned, Eurymachus had the bow. He felt disgraced that he cannot string it, because he knew that this failure proved his inferiority to me. Antinous suggested that they adjourn until the next day, when they can sacrifice to Apollo, the archer god, before trying again. I feel that the suitors are just one person. All they want to do is just marry Penelope. They don't really care who she marries as long as it is from one of them. What do they think that Penelope will be ordered to sleep with the rest of them if one of those idiots are selected? Do they think women are public property that whenever someone wants, could come use a woman, have fun, and simply leave? NO!!! That is not what a woman is! Women too, have personal honor, even if it is not recognized by society. This needs to be recognized by society, because women are just as important to society as the men. If there are no women, there won't be able to be any men, because no one will be able to bear the child of the man. Therefore, the woman is just as, if not more important than the man, whether that be in society, or in life, in general. That was a pretty smart move, though by Antinous, but in the fear of them achieving their goal, I, still disguised, then asked for the bow. All of the suitors complained, fearing that I would succeed. Antinous ridiculed me, saying that the wine had gone to my head and that I would bring disaster upon myself, just like the legendary drunken Centaur Eurytion. Telemachus took control and ordered Eumaeus to give me the bow. Needless to say, I easily strung it and sent the first arrow I grabbed whistling through all twelve axes. Ha! You should have seen the look on that idiot, Antinous' face! IT was hilarious! I leave you now to laugh out loud at his stupid looking, ugly, dumbstruck face. Fare well, or as you people say, see ya!

Book 20 - Signs and a Vision

I had loads of trouble sleeping that night, and by the amount of sounds she made, I am guessing Penelope did too. I worried that Telemachus and I would never be able to conquer so many suitors, but Athena reassured me that through the gods all things are possible. Tormented by the loss of her husband and her commitment to remarry, Penelope awoke and prayed for Artemis, her favorite goddess to kill her. Her distress woke me, which led to me asking for a good omen. It didn't really matter to me how many times Athena came and reassured me that I would win, people still have worries. People always need reassurance, but also have that little worrisome little Gemini cricket in their minds pondering the question, "What if something goes wrong?" Zeus responded with a clap of thunder, and, at once, a maid in an adjacent room was heard cursing the suitors. That was a sign to me, that the servants were also on my side. I thought of carrying out the plan right now, so that it may be easier to kill sleeping suitors. This however, would be an act of cowardice, something that I don't agree with. As the palace sprung to life the next day, Telemachus and I met, in succession, the swineherd Eumaeus, the foul Melanthius and Philoetius, a kindly and loyal herdsman who said that he had not yet given up hope of my return. The suitors entered, once again plotting Telemachus’s murder. Can you believe it? Idiotic, ungrateful filthy pieces of vermin, in my house, eating my food, courting my WIFE, and plotting the murder of MY SON in front of my very own eyes, and there's nothing that I could do about it!!!! Amphinomus convinced them to call it off, however, when a portent of doom appeared in the form of an eagle carrying a dove in its talons. He thought it was an omen that I would be back to avenge the death of my son. As if I wouldn't. Which sane man wouldn't avnege the death of their son? Idiots, I tell you, pure idiots! But Athena kept the suitors antagonistic all through dinner to prevent my anger from losing its edge. Ctesippus, a wealthy and arrogant suitor, threw a cow’s hoof at me, in response to which Telemachus threatened to run him through with his sword. The suitors laugh and laugh, failing to notice that they and the walls of the room are covered in blood and that their faces had assumed a foreign, ghostly look—all of which Theoclymenus interpreted as portents of inescapable doom. They never were aware of their deaths looming right in fromt of their faces. Stupid idiots! They'll know in the due course of time.

Book 19 - Recognitions and a Dream

When the suitors retired for the night,Telly and I removed the arms as planned. Athena lighted the room for us so that we could see as we worked. Telemachus told Eurycleia that we were storing the arms to keep them from being damaged. After we safely disposed of the arms, Telemachus retired and I was joined by the wife. She had come from the women’s quarters to question her "curious visitor". She knows that I had claimed to have met Odysseus, and she tested my honesty by asking me to describe her husband. I described myself, a task not to hard, capturing each detail so perfectly that it reduced Penelope to tears. I then told the story of how I met Odysseus and eventually came to Ithaca. In many respects, this story paralleled those that he told to Athena and Eumaeus in Books 13 and 14, though it is identical to neither. I told Penelope that, essentially, Odysseus had a long ordeal but is alive and freely traveling the seas, and predicted that Odysseus will be back within the month. Penelope offerred me a bed to sleep in, but I was used to the floor, I said, and declined. Only reluctantly did I allow Eurycleia to wash my feet, in case of recognition. As she was putting them in a basin of water, she noticed a scar on one of my feet. She immediately recognized it as the scar that I received when I went boar hunting with grandfather Autolycus. She threw her arms around me, but I silenced her while Athena kept Penelope distracted so that my secret will not be carried any further. The faithful Eurycleia recovered herself and promised to keep my secret. It was a good thing that it was Eurycleia, otherwise she might've leaked to Penelope. She has my trust since she has that of Telemachus. Before she retired, Penelope described to me a dream that she has had in which an eagle swoops down upon her twenty pet geese and kills them all; it then perched on her roof and, in a human voice, says that he is her husband who has just put her lovers to death. Penelope declares that she has no idea what this dream means. Rising to the challenge, I explained it to her. But Penelope decides that she was going to choose a new husband nevertheless: she will marry the first man who can shoot an arrow through the holes of twelve axes set in a line. Its rather easy for me, if they let me participate. Perhaps they will, the goal being to make themselves feel better about themselves after the restoration of their personal honor. This honor thing, its very important. If others get a blow at their's they try to damage that of a third party as well. If I can't win, neither can you. I have this competition in the bag. That is IF they let me participate.

Book 18 - Blows and A Queen's Beauty

Another beggar, as far as I know, by the name of Arnaeus, wanderred into the palace. For a beggar, he was rather brash: he insulted me, Odysseus and challenged me to a boxing match. He actually thought he would win. I pitied the poor fellow, but told him not the fate that awaited him. He thought that he would make quick work of the old man, that was supposed to be me, but Athena gave me extra strength and stature. Irus soon regreted challenging me and tried to escape, but by now the suitors took notice and were egging on the fight for the sake of their own entertainment. It was a good think they were under the infulence, otherwise they just might've noticed me. It ended quickly as I floored Irus and stopped just short of killing him. As I said before, I pitied the poor guy. The suitors congratulated me. One in particular, the moderate Amphinomous, toasted me and gave me food. I felt the irony, getting food as a grace by others in my own house. I really did felt Irus' pain, being floored, but in another sense. Irus was physically florred, but I, I was insulted and thrown to the ground in my own house. I felt pity for myself as I took the food to my mouth. I was fully aware of the bloodshed to come and was also overcome by pity for Amphinomus, so I pulled the man aside. I predicted to Amphinomus that I, Odysseus, would soon be home and gave him a thinly veiled warning to abandon the palace and return to his own land. But Amphinomus didn’t depart, despite being fraught with grave forebodings, for Athena had bound him to death at the hands of Telemachus, I think. Actually, I think I don't think I would be able to kill a man who pitied me and gave me food, no matter who I was. Athena then put it into Penelope’s head to make an appearance before her suitors. The goddess gave her extra stature and beauty to inflame their hearts. I assume that happened, because that is the way she came out. Pehaps it was just that it was so long since I saw her appealing beauty that she looked even more beautiful when my eyes actually beheld her. When Penelope spoke to the suitors, she led them on by telling them that I had instructed her to take a new husband if I would fail to return before Telemachus began growing facial hair. She then tricked them, to my silent delight, into bringing her gifts by claiming that any suitor worth his salt would try to win her hand by giving things to her instead of taking what’s rightfully hers. The suitors showered her with presents, and, as they celebrated, I instructed the maidservants to go to Penelope. The maidservant Melantho, Melanthius’s sister, insulted me as an inferior being and a drunk; I was so pissed off, that I then scared them off with threats. Hoping to make me even more angry at the suitors, Athena then inspired Eurymachus to insult me. This was the last straw. Somtimes, its fine, but other times, a man's just got to stand up for himself, no matter who is trying to walk over hiim. When I responded with insults of my own, Eurymachus threw a stool at me but missed, hitting a servant instead. Just as a riot was about to break out, Telemachus stepped in and diffused the situation, to the consternation of the suitors. Lucky that he did, or else I would've began the battle right then and there, not caring how many of them were in thier primes, or whatever it was Telly had told me earlier.

Book 17 - The Beggar at the Manor

Telemachus left us at Eumaeus' hut and headed to his palace, where he received a tearful welcome from Penelope and his favorite nurse Eurycleia. In the palace hall he met Theoclymenus and Piraeus. He told Piraeus not to bring his gifts from Menelaus to the palace, fearing that the suitors will steal them if they killed him. When he sat down to eat with Penelope, Telemachus told her what little news he received of me in Pylos and Sparta, but he didn’t reveal that he has seen me with his own eyes in Eumaeus’s hut. I told him not to for it was part of our plan! Theoclymenus then speaks up and swore that I was in Ithaca at this very moment. Damn his big fat mouth! He is the first one I'm going to kill after those suitors. Meanwhile, Eumaeus and I set out toward town in Telemachus’s footsteps. On the way they meet Melanthius, a base subordinate of the suitors, who heaped scorn on Eumaeus and kicked me, his beggar companion. I felt like discarding it and kicking his *** right then and then, making sure he wouldn't live to tell the tale. Man it was hard to keep in the frustration and anger. Now I know how Penelope felt all of those times I insulted her and she didn't say anything. Personal honor is really very important. Everyone needs to have theirs kept, otherwise there would not be a proper and functioning society. I received a similar welcome at the palace. The suitors gave me food with great reluctance, and Antinous went out of his way to insult me. I said it before, and I'll say it again, he is going to be the first to be killed. When I answered insult with insult, Antinous gave me a blow with a stool that disgusted even the other suitors. When man cannot protect honor with words, they resort to violence. Its always been the case. Now, before his death, I will make sure he gets a few extra punishments, a little revenge, a little torture, and a little game, all mixed in to one, the result of which will be his death. Report of this cruelty reached Penelope, who asked to have me brought to her so that she can question me about myself, Odysseus. I thought that my cover was going to be blown, because of all of the vivd details I would give in recounting my story. I, however, doidn’t want the suitors to see me heading toward the queen’s room. Eumaeus announced that he must return to his hut and hogs, leaving me alone with Telemachus and the suitors.

Book 16 - Father and Son

So at this point, I am still only relaying the story Hermes told me. When we last left off, Telly was going to Eumaeus' hut. Now, he has, and when he did, he found the swineherd talking with me, except I was in the disguisethat Athen put on me. Euameus suggested that I was staying with Telemachus at the palace. But Telemachus was afraid of what the suitors might do to them. Eumaeus then went to the palace alone to tell Penelope that her son had returned. When we father and son were alone in the hut, Athena appearred to me and called me outside. When I reentered the hut, my old-man disguise was gone, and I stood in the pristine glory of my heroic person. At first, Telemachus couldn't believe his eyes, but then we two embraced and wept. I recounted my trip with the Phaeacians and then began plotting the overthrow of the suitors. I formulated a plan to launch a surprise attack from within the palace: I would enter disguised as a beggar and Telemachus would hide the palace’s surplus arms where the suitors couldn't easily reach them. The two of us would then seize the arms and slaughter the suitors. Before Eumaeus could give Penelope news of Telemachus’s return, the messenger from the ship arrived and informed the entire palace that Telemachus has returned. Damn him and his big mouth! What, did he think that the suitors would give him a reward for telling them that? Everyone wants to satisfy their Ids. The suitors, dejected that their plot has failed, huddled outside to plan their next move. Antinous recommended putting Telemachus to death before he could call an assembly at which the suitors’ dirty schemes can be aired, but Amphinomus, one of the more thoughtful and well-behaved suitors, persuaded the others to wait for a sign from the gods before doing anything so rash. Penelope later found Antinous in the palace and denounced him for the plot against her son, the details of which Medon had overheard and revealed to her earlier. Eurymachus succeeds in calming Penelope down with his lies and false concern for the safety of Telemachus. One thing is for sure, the first one I'm going to kill is that ungrateful ******* Antinous! That guy pisses me off!!! My New Trier Helper was reminded of this part of my story by the part in Finding Nemo where Nemo was caught by the giant net and Merlin was getting really worried about loosing Nemo again, just before they start to fight the net.

Book 15 - How They Came to Ithaca

We last left off when I fell asleep in Eumaeus' hut. Meanwhile, I was told by Hermes, that Athen travelled to Sparta, where she founds my son and Pisistratus, Nestor’s son, asleep in Menelaus' palace. She appeared to Telemachus in a dream and told him that he must hurry home to Ithaca before the suitors succeed in winning his mother’s hand. She also warned him of the ambush that they have set and explains how to avoid it. Finally, she instructed him to head first for the home of the swineherd Eumaeus, who will convey the news of his safe return to Penelope. Am I supposed to reveal my true identity to him? What I don't understand, is why doesn't Athena jsut tell him that I am with Eumaeus, so that I may go with my son and kill all of those damn suitors. Anyways, the next day, Telemachus announced his departure and accepted gifts from Menelaus and Helen. If it weren't for those two, I swear, nothing would've happened at all, and I would still be at home, and everything would be perfectly fine. As Telemachus pulled away from the palace in his chariot, an eagle carrying a goose stolen from a pen swoopped down beside him. Helen interpreted the incident as an omen that I was about to swoop down on his home and exact revenge on the suitors. Damn right, I am! Once at Pylos, Telemachus had Pisistratus drop him off at his ship, insisting that he had no time to spare to visit Nestor again. The ship was about to set off when Theoclymenus, a famous prophet’s descendant who was fleeing prosecution for a crime of manslaughter that he committed in Argos, approached Telemachus and asks to come aboard. Telemachus welcomed him and offerred him hospitality when they got to Ithaca. I trained my son well, right? This is still the word of Hermes, just to let you know. In the hut of Eumaeus, meanwhile, I tested the limit of his hospitality by offering to leave in the morning, a false gesture that I hoped would prompt Eumaeus to offer to let me stay longer. I urged the old man not to go out of his way and said that I would earn his keep working for the suitors, but Eumaeus would have none of it. To get mixed up with those suitors, I was warned, would be suicide. The swineherd and I then swapped stories. Eumaeus explains how he first came to Ithaca: the son of a king, he was stolen from his house by Phoenician pirates with the help of a maid that his father employed. The pirates took him all over the seas until Laertes, my father, bought him in Ithaca. There, mother brought him up alongside her own daughter, the youngest born. Back to the story of Telly through Hermes, meanwhile, the next morning, Telemachus reached the shores of Ithaca. He disembarked while the crew headed to the city by ship. He entrusted Theoclymenus to a loyal crewman, Piraeus. As they parted, they saw a hawk fly by carrying a dove in its talons, which Theoclymenus interpreted as a favorable sign of the strength of my house and line. We will end now, for I must tend to those suitors. See you all later!

Book 14 - Hospitality in the Forest

When I went inside my new hut, I found Eumaeus outside my hut. Although Eumaeus didn’t recognize me as his master, he invited me inside. Athena must have done a really good job of putting a disguise on me. There, I had a hearty meal of pork and listened as Eumaeus heaped praise upon the memory of his former master, me, whom he fears is lost for good, and scorn upon the behavior of his new masters, the vile suitors. I felt like making a plan with him to poison the food of all of those ******* suitors and tell Eumaeus my true identity. I feared, however, the wrath of Athena. What would happen if she found out that I told her? What if she took my anger out on Telemachus and sent him to nowhere as revenge, even though little Telly didn't do anything? Still being an outsider, I predicted that Eumaeus will see his master again quite soon, but Eumaeus would hear none of it—he had encountered too many vagabonds looking for a handout from Penelope in return for fabricated news of me. As though she were a goddess who knew everything! People just wanted to hear that I was dead! They all want to satisfy their ids, and this seems to be the only way their Superego approves of. Still, Eumaeus took a liking to his guest. He put me up for the night and even let me borrow a cloak to keep out the cold. God bless him! When Athena lets me out of this form I will make him as rich as he ever dreamed of! When Eumaeus asked me where I came from, about my origins, I lied and said that I was from Crete. I couldn't tell him because of a vivid picture of Athena and her unleashing her wrath, worse than Poseidon, one that none could save me from. I couldn't let that happen all over again. I told him that I fought with me at Troy and made it home safely, but a trip that I made later to Egypt went awry, and I was reduced to poverty. It was during this trip, I said, that I said I heard that I was still alive. How happy he was to hear that! Anyways, I have to go now, I need my sleep.

Book 13 - One More Strange Island

The account of my wanderings now finished, I looked forward to leaving Scheria. The next day, Alkinoos loaded me gifts on board the ship that will carry me to Ithaca. I set sail as soon as the sun went down. I slept the whole night, while the Phaeacian crew commanded the ship. Being the captain of a ship was never easier. I remained asleep even when the ship lands the next morning. The crew gently carried me and my gifts to shore and then sailed for home. When Poseidon spotted me in Ithaca, I become enraged at the Phaeacians for assisting my nemesis. I assume Poseidon complained to Zeus, who allows him to punish the Phaeacians. Just as our ship is pulling into harbor at Scheria, the prophecy mentioned earlier was fulfilled: the ship suddenly turned to stone and sunk to the bottom of the sea. The onlookers ashore immediately recognized the consummation of the prophecy and resolved to abandon their custom of helping wayward travelers. Back in Ithaca, I awoke to find a country that I didn’t recognize, for Athena had shrouded it in mist to conceal its true form while she planned my next move. At first, I cursed the Phaeacians, whom I thought have duped him and left me in some unknown land. But Athena, disguised as a shepherd, met me and told me that I was indeed in Ithaca. With characteristic cunning, I acted to conceal my identity from her until she revealed hers. Delighted by my tricks, Athena announced that it is time for me to use my wits to punish the suitors. She told me to hide out in the hut of his swineherd, Eumaeus. She informed me that my son had gone in search of news of me and gave me the appearance of an old vagabond so that no one will recognize me. This reminded my New Trier helper of a movie Finding Nemo. Both the father and the son leave to find each other. In the end, they do. Now I think the prupose of life is to satisfy as well as go into the id and slay the dragon of whatever it is that it is made of. I went, came out and now I am at home. He went, will find news, and now he will come home. Readers, I now leave to continue our story for another day. Peace out.

Book 12 - Sea Perils and Defeat

I returned to Aeaea, where I buried Elpenor and spent one last night with Circe. She described the obstacles that I will face on my voyage home and told me how to negotiate them. As I set sail, I passed Circe’s counsel on to my men. We approached the island of the lovely Sirens, and I, as instructed by Circe, plugged my men’s ears with beeswax and had them bind him to the mast of the ship. I alone heard their song flowing forth from the island, promising to reveal the future. The Sirens’ song was so seductive that even I, king of Ithaca, begged to be released from my fetters, but my faithful men only binded me tighter. If it weren't for them, I would have never made it out of there. Perhaps it was greed that motivated them, though. All men want to satisfy their ids, and their id was greed. Greed of sex, money, and fame. It's like almost every man's dream. To make a name for themselves while they are alive. Is that the purpose of life? Or because it is what they want, and since it is in their id, is their sole purpose in life to satisfy their ids? I think it is the latter of the two. Anyways, once we passed the Sirens’ island, I knew my men and I needed to navigate the straits between Scylla and Charybdis. Scylla was a six-headed monster who, when ships usually pass, swallows one sailor for each head. tha would be an extra six people lost. Damn! My crew is always being eaten, Atleast its not me, I need to get home in order to finish the story. Charybdis was an enormous whirlpool that threatened to swallow the entire ship. As instructed by Circe, I held my course tight against the cliffs of Scylla’s lair. As my men and I stared at Charybdis on the other side of the strait, the heads of Scylla swoopped down and gobbled up six of the sailors. Next, I came to Thrinacia, the island of the Sun, Apollo. I wanted to avoid it entirely, but the outspoken Eurylochus persuades me to let my beleaguered crew to rest there. Damn his tongue! I wish I didn't let him talk at all and the Scylla swallowed him instead. A storm kept them beached for a month, and at first the crew was content to survive on its provisions in the ship. When those ran out, however, Eurylochus persuaded the other crew members to disobey me and slaughter the cattle of the Sun. Disobey ME! How dare they! I, their captain, how has led them through all of this so far, and as though I couldn't do it for the rest of the way. They did so one afternoon as I slept; when the Sun found out, he asked Zeus to punish me and my men. Shortly after the Achaeans set sail from Thrinacia, Zeus kicked up another storm, which destroyed the ship, as though that wasn't old, and sent the entire crew to its death beneath the waves. As had been predicted, only I survived, and that too, just barely. The storm swept me all the way back to Charybdis, which I narrowly escaped for the second time. Afloat on the broken timbers of my ship, I eventually reached Ogygia, Calypso's island. HereI broke from my story, stating to the Phaeacians that I saw no reason to repeat to them my account of my experience on Ogygia. My journey is like a circle, except there is solid hope that this circle will ofr once, end. Here I will leave off and leave the rest to next time.

Book 11 - A Gathering of Shades

We then traveled to the River of Ocean in the land of the Cimmerians. There I poured libations and performed sacrifices as Circe earlier instructed me to do to attract the souls of the dead. I knew we must get to Hades to get home. Where is the hole of Persephone when you need it the most? The first to appear is that of Elpenor, the crewman who broke his neck falling from Circe’s roof. He begged me to return to Circe’s island and give his body a proper burial. I told him that he shouldn't have succumbed to his desires. I told him that I barely left, and that if I went back, then I might never be able to leave again. I then spoke with the Theban prophet Tiresias, who reveals that Poseidon was punishing us Achaeans for blinding his son Polyphemus. He foretold my fate—that I would return home, reclaim my wife and palace from the wretched suitors, and then make another trip to a distant land to appease Poseidon. I'm glad that he said what he did, or I might as well just gone back and have sex with Circe the rest of my life. He warned me not to touch the flocks of the Sun when I reached the land of Thrinacia; otherwise, I wouldn't return home without suffering much more hardship and losing all of his crew. When Tiresias departs, I called other spirits towards me. I spoke with my mother, Anticleia, who updated me on the affairs of Ithaca and related how she died of grief waiting for his return. I then met the spirits of various famous men and heroes and heard the stories of their lives and deaths. I then cut short the tale and asked my Phaeacian hosts to allow my crew and I to sleep, but the king and queen urge him to continue, asking if I met any of the Greeks who fell at Troy in Hades' world. I related my encounters there: I met Agamemnon, who told me of his murder at the hands of his wife, Clytemnestra. Next I met Achilles, who asked about his son, Neoptolemus. I then tried to speak with Ajax, an Achaean who killed himself after he lost a contest with me over the arms of Achilles, but Ajax refused to speak and slipped away. I saw Heracles, King Minos, the hunter Orion, and others. I witnessed the punishment of Sisyphus, struggling eternally to push a boulder over a hill only to have it roll back down whenever it reached the top. I then saw Tantalus, agonized by hunger and thirst. Tantalus sits in a pool of water overhung by bunches of grapes, but whenever he reaches for the grapes, they rise out of grasp, and whenever he bends down to drink, the water sinks out of reach. I soon found myself mobbed by souls wishing to ask about their relatives in the world above. I became frightened, ran back to my ship, and immediately sailed away. I felt like a coward, without a heart. I fle tlike the lion in the Wizard of Oz. And that's where I think I shall stop for now.

Book 10 - The Grace of the Witch

So we pick up from where we last left off. Therefore, we begin with us leaving. We Achaeans sailed from the land of the Cyclopes to the home of Aeolus, ruler of the winds. Aeolus presented me with a bag containing all of the winds, and so, naturally, I stirred up a westerly wind to guide myself and my crew home. Within ten days, we were in sight of Ithaca, but my shipmates, who thought that Aeolus has secretly given me a fortune in gold and silver, tore the bag open. The winds escaped and stirred up a storm that brought me and my men back to Aeolia. I hoped for so long that Aeolus would help me again, but this time, the *** refused. It seemed that all he wanted to do was simply hear the story of us at Troy. For this, he gave us a few winds. Since there was nothing to offer that appealed to him, he turned me down. People only want to satisfy their Ids. He was certain that the gods hated me and wished to do me harm. Lacking wind, we Achaeans rowed to the land of the Laestrygonians, a race of powerful giants whose king, Antiphates, and unnamed queen turn my scouts into dinner. My scouts and I, the ones that remained, fled toward our ships. Those cowards! They did nothing but disgrace me out there. The Laestrygonians pelted the ships with boulders and sunk them as they sat in the harbor. Only myhip escaped. From there, my men and I traveled to Aeaea, home of the beautiful witch-goddess Circe. Circe druged a band of my men and turned them into pigs. When I went to go rescue them, Hermes approached me in the form of a young man. He told me to eat an herb called moly to protect myself from Circe’s drug and then lunge at her when she tries to strike him with her sword. I followed Hermes' instructions overpowering Circe and forcing her to change my men back to their human forms. I soon became Circe’s lover, and my men and I, lived in her luxury for a year. When my men were finally able to continue the voyage homeward, I asked Circe for the way back to Ithaca. She replied I must sail to Hades, the realm of the dead, to speak with the spirit of Tiresias, a blind prophet who will tell me how to get home. The next morning, I rousesd my men for the imminent departure. I discoverd, however, that the youngest man in my crew, Elpenor, had gotten drunk the previous night, slept on the roof, and, when he heard the men shouting and marching in the morning, fell from the roof and broke his neck. I explained to my men the course that they must take, which they were displeased to learn, was rather meandering. I found a funny clip that relates to this. check it out, you'll really like it if you are a fan of Family Guy. Here is the website: http://www.familyguy.com/. Click on Classical Clips, then scroll all the way down until you see the clip called Stewie Brian Car Crash.

Book 9 - New Coasts and Poseidon's Son

So, the last time we left off at the place where I was about to tell the king, Alkinoos, not to be confused with that idiotic reaterd that thinks he can get my wife, who I was. Or so you think. Well, yeah I did. Its official, I told him. I began with who I was, where I came from, and where I was planning on going to. I told him about how I left Troy with Agamemnon, and then got stranded on an island with my crew. I was told by my crew that I should not stay in the island, but go home. Its just that I was stranded at sea for so long, that it was kind of hard to resist the temptation of eating fresh sheep and cheese. Gotta love that feta cheese. I told him that half of my crew was devoured by Polyphemus, Poseidon's son, also a Cyclops. Yeah, his eyes weren't that great, there were only one. So first he decided to eat half of whatever remained of my crew. So then he locked us up and told us that he would eat us all. The next day he opened the boulder he placed at the entrance of the cave he kept us in. I placed a little stick so that when he put the rock back at the mouth of the cave, the boulder couldn't close the mouth completely, but just leave a little opening. Polyphemus didn't notice, and I am alive because of that alone. I got him drunk on wine that night and when he asked me for my name I told him that it was Nobody. I then, after some time, threw fire into his eyes, opened up the boulder, and took my crew with me out of the cave. I ran to the boat after taking some provisions and heard him screaming in pain. He was asked by the other people of his kind as to what had happened. He said Nobody attacked him, The other responed to that with, "If nobody has hurt you, then pray to your father to heal you. It must have been something he did to you, or you must be dreaming. Go back to sleep." Or atleast, that's all that I remember of that dialogue. I then made the most ignorant move that I would ever make in my life. Someone told me that Polyphemus prayed to Poseidon, that basically, I would be screwed over.

Book 8 - Songs of the Harper

The next day, Alkinoos called an assembly of his Phaeacian counselors. Athena, back from Athens, ensured attendance by spreading word that the topic of discussion will be the godlike visitor who recently appeared on the island. At the assembly, Alkinoos proposed providing a ship for his visitor, me so that I can return to my homeland. The measure was approved, and Alkinoos invited the counselors to his palace for a feast and celebration of games in honor of his guest, myself. There, a blind bard named Demodocus sung of the quarrel between myself and Achilles at Troy. Everyone listened with pleasure except me, who wept at the painful memories that the story recalled. The king noticed my griefs and ended the feast so that the games could begin. The games included the standard lineup of boxing, wrestling, racing, and throwing of the discus. At one point, I was asked to participate. Still overcome by my many hardships, I declined. One of the young athletes, Broadsea, then insulted me. I got pissed and felt like yelling at that idiot. I felt like screaming to him that he isn't even half the man I am. I easily won the discus toss and then challenged the Phaeacian athletes to any other form of competition they chose. The discussion became heated, but Alkinoos diffused the situation by insisting that I join them in another feast, at which the Phaeacian youth entertained me and proved their preeminence in song and dance. Demodocus performed again, this time a light song about a tryst between Ares and Aphrodite. Afterward, Alkinoos and each of the young Phaeacian men, including Broadsea, gave me gifts to take with me on my journey home. At dinner that night, I asked Demodocus to sing of the Trojan horse and the sack of Troy, but as I listened to the accomplished minstrel I again broke down. King Alkinoos again noticed and stopped the music. He asks me at last to tell him who I was, where I am from, and where I am to be going. Men are so trusting unti they see something that shakes their trust so much, that it is hard to regain that trust. Trust is hard to regain. Not only does it take time for this to happen, but also, people need to learn to trust that person again through their experience. I think I will leave this next part for next time. I just had to tel him, but what I did, no one will know unless you see what I will write tomorrow.

Book 7 - Gardens and Firelight

The next day, after my prayer, on my way to the palace of Alkinoos, the king of the Phaeacians, I stopped a young girl who was carrying a jug of water. then, by sizing up the amount of help Athena has given me so far, I assumed it was Athena, but kept it to myself. I asked her to guide to guide me to the king’s house and shrouded me in a protective mist that keeps the Phaeacians, a kind but somewhat xenophobic people, from harassing him. She also advised me to direct my plea for help to Arete, the wise and strong queen who will know how to get me home. Once she delivered me to the palace, she departed from Scheria to her beloved city of Athens, I assume. Also, some more evidence that she was Athena was that a little girl conjuring up a mist to protect me from how grown-ups feel, was kind of odd. Also, how would a little girl know that I should make my plea to the queen, Arete. Gods are always helping us no matter what. They know whats happenning and are at the ready to protect you if anything goes wrong, just in case. Perhaps that is why they say, whatever happens, happens for a reason. The gods weere watching me in the cave of Polyphemus, Calypso, and on my boat, and all of the other times. They knew that I wasn't supposed to be in Calypso's cave for all of eternity, the amount of time she perhaps wanted to keep me, and so they intervened. They are always taking tests, and perhaps this was my test that showed them whether or not I was loyal to my wife, or if I was just a lusty, goddess laying, greedy *******. I passed the test, and perhaps that is why Athena is helping me out even more nowadays. Anyways, so after I arrived at the palace, I found the palace residents holding a festival in honor of Poseidon. Oh how I wanted to crasht that festival. The blood ran to my face and I wanted to scream to stop this festival, but then I thought, if I ruin their festival and what they deem as holy and revere it, then they will get the wrong impression of me and they might not help me get home. After these chain of thoughts, I stood back and simply took in the beauty of the palace and the king’s opulence. As soon as I saw the queen, I threw myself at her feet, and the mist about him dissipates. At first, the king wonders if I, a wayward traveler might be a god, but without revealing my true identity, I put the king’s suspicions to rest by declaring that I was indeed a mortal. I explained to him, my predicament, and the king and queen gladly promise to see him off the next day in a Phaeacian ship. I finally got a ship. I praised Athena and thank her on the spot for all of her help. Later that evening, when the king and queen were alone with me, the wise Arete recognized the clothes that I was wearing as ones that she herself had made for her daughter, that angel, bless her, Nausicaa. Suspicious, she interrogated me further. While still withholding my name, I responded by recounting the story of my journey from that witch Calypso’s island and my encounter with Nausicaa that morning, which involved her giving me a set of clothes to wear. To absolve the princess for not accompanying me to the palace, I claimed that it was my idea to come alone. After all that child did for me, I simply couldn't let her get into trouble with her parents. I explained to them what that child had told me, how the villagers would gossip about her and how her image in the public would be tarnished. Alkinoos was so impressed with me, that he offered me his daughter’s hand in marriage. I kind of pushed it off, and prayed to Zeus that he may be prosperous. I think that is enough for today. I will see you all tomorrow.

Book 6 - A Princess At The River

So my friends, as we last left off at the point of walking down the river bank, we shall pick up from there. I fell asleep walking down the open road. Alone. No one by my side, no one to get help from, no one to... yeah, well, you get the point. So I fell like all normal people do, and woke up the next morning. A young girl, of marrying age came by in a chariot and just as she was about to leave, I stopped her in midroad. First she thought I was an enemy of some sort. Then she realized that if there were a war going on, her father wouldn't be at home, and the gods would take care of it anyways, since they like her country, supposedly. Then she thought I was a castaway, which I was. First she was telling me that I should deal with the hardships Zeus has dealt me. I felt like screaming at her that Zeus was the one who bascially brought me to you. But I bit my lip. She allowed me some olive oil and all of the sort so I could take a shower in the river. I couldn't take a real shower because there were young women around who were, most likely to be unmarried. So I simply scrubbed my back and my torso and legs. She told me once she was done to not go with her, but after some time had passed, to lgo to the palace. All this time, all I did was stare stupidly into her face. I swear to Aphrodite, the child was true beauty incarnated. I've never seen such beauty in all of my life. Anyways, she told me how people would talk behind their back if she entered the city with a man whie she was unmarried. I understood, but thought to myself, " Is all people think about protecting their self honor from society and its gossip? What is more important to people, what society says about them, or the truth that they know?" So, anyways, she left, and I stood there praying to Athena, that perhaps this may be the place where I find home at last. You know that line about home and shoping to find it? Yeah, I found a picture to go with it.Its up on the top.

Book 5 - Sweet Nymph and Open Sea

So the hell with all of you who were supposed to give me news about my son for a reward. Now I am sick and tired of raising the price for anything. Now I will tell my story. I was trapped atthe cave of the nymph Calypso. Hermes, messenger of the gods, was sent to Calypso’s island to tell her that I must at last be allowed to leave so I could return home. In reply, Calypso delivered a tantrum and contradicts herself often. First she says that since she found me, she got to claim me and that I was her prize, basically. Then, she claimed gods could have affairs with women, while goddess could no, their love was taken away and gods were jealous. Then she told him that she would do whatever Zeus asled her and that she would send me home. How much more can a person contradict themself? To see how I feel, there is a song by Natalie Imbruglia, called Contradictions. By now, I alone remain of the contingent that I led at Troy; my crew and the other boats in my force were all destroyed during my journeys. Calypso helped me build a new boat and stocks it with provisions from her island. With sadness, she watches as the object of her love sails away. Good Riddance!!! Ithacan suitors for my wife, here I come! After eighteen days at sea, I spotted Scheria, the island of the Phaeacians, my next destination appointed by the gods, or so I overheard. Just then, Poseidon, returning from a trip to the land of the Ethiopians, spotted me and realized what the other gods did in his absence. Poseidon stirred up a storm, which nearly dragged me under the sea, but the goddess Ino came to my rescue. She gave me a veil that kept me safe after my ship was wrecked. Athena too came to my rescue as I was tossed back and forth, now out to the deep sea, now against the jagged rocks of the coast. Finally, a river up the coast of the island answered my prayers and allowed me to swim into its waters. I threw my protective veil back into the water as Ino had commanded me to do and walked inland to rest in the safe cover of a forest. I feel its getting late now, because my New Trier helper, who so graciously has been typing to as I mandated, has been typing my journey. He needs to sleep, and therfore I shall wrap up today's portion. We shall continue again tomorrow. Be sure to read, when I shall talk about what happened after I started to walk inland. Adios amigos, whatever that means.

Book 4 - The Red Haired King and His Lady

So even after I increased the offer by 900 units of your currency, you imbeciles still haven't given me a reply. Now, this is your last chance! I will give you no more than 10,000 units of your currency for the information of my son and the beings of my home. You already know Telemachus' blog's site is: http://www.tellysblog123.blogspot.com/. Yet I just gave it to you now. Good-bye and if anyone gets news of my son, please claim your prize of 10,000 units of your currency immediately. Thank you and good bye.

Book 3 - The Lord of The Western Approaches

So the last time I stated that I would give 100 of your kind of currency if anyone brought news of my son. No one responded. So I have decided to increase the offer. Now I offer you 1000 of your currency if anyone brings me news of my son and my home in Ithaca. This offer will not last long, so hurry up and claim your prize. News will be found at www.tellysblog.blogspot.com. Thank You.

Book 2 - A Hero's Son Awakens

So, yeah I really haven't heard from anyone regarding my son. As an incentive for talking to me, I will give you a reward of 100 of whatever your currency is because I am just that rich! I've tried many a time, but I still can't reach my son or his blog. If anyone can, please talk to me or post a comment on my blog. Thanks. Once again, here is the link to the blog of my son. http://tellysblog123.blogspot.com/. Bye bye. Here is map of where I live, just in case you folks go there.

Book 1 - A Goddess Intervenes

Hey, so yeah, um, I'm kinda lost, and I can't really get to my son. I'm assuming that he is doing absolutely nothing, because he is outnumbered in 1 to, like, a thousand! Seeing how attractive my wife is, there will be that many, or even more suitors for her, because all of those ungrateful idiots think I'm dead. Thank You for your complements on the fact that I can choose an attractive wife for myself. So anyway, I tried to get a hold of him by contacting Athena and all, and all she could give me was the link to his blog. I asked for a computer, but she gave a flat no. I'm doing this from a friend's Blackberry, and I don't have much time, because Poseidon is conjuring up a storm. Here is the link to Telemachus's blog, and if you get a chance to get on, please send him my blessings and good wishes, tell him I am still alive, and most importantly, I'm coming home! www.tellysblog123.blogspot.com. Thanks a whole lot! Oh, and yes, please do tell my wife that I............... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!